Prologue: Two Awful Babysitters

For me, the horror began in a quiet living room during the darkest hour of the night, and if I had to blame it on anybody it would be my old babysitters. 


The two of them were sisters, you see, and as such it meant that they always teamed up when it came to keeping a watchful eye on me. That, and in pairs they could charge double the price for having to watch me, but that was teenage economic balance for you. They were the greatest of sisters and they did everything together, even making an ass out of myself, which I am sure brought them great intellectual bonus points for outwitting a five year old. 


Anyway, it was on this night that they decided to bring a movie over. I was in the other room, either playing with my toys our plotting their inevitable downfall, I can't remember which, when I overheard them discussing this movie. One. whom I shall call Tata, was telling the other, whom I shall call Titi, was talking about how scary this movie was, and how even Tata's unfortunate brute of a boyfriend got scared. I was instantly fascinated, both because they said it was an R-rated film and that it had the potential of scaring off Tata's boyfriend, who at this point I highly doubt even existed, but still intrigued me so. 





Setting all toys and matches aside, I took up arms by grabbing a large throw blanket from the couch and covered over myself. Like the crafty bastard I was, I sneaked my way into the living room via this cozy camouflage and plopped down. To them, I was an obvious bush painted red in an open field of snow, but to me I was Solid fuckin' Snake. Uncaring, Titi slipped a VHS in as they both had smiles gracing their faces. Those goddamn smug smiles, those scarring smiles. They film began, as the title popped up on the screen:
Child's Play. 


Sleep wasn't a thing for me anymore, no, it was only an illusion set upon the minds of those foolish enough to believe that dolls couldn't come to life and slit your unsuspecting throat. But that's okay, not like the lack of sleep affected me at all throughout my life. I believe my bouts of on and off insomnia stem from, I dunno, natural causes. At least that is what I will tell my shrink after I break into the local Toys R Us and slaughter every last one of those sonsabitches. 


Needless to say, the movie did scar me for a bit, and by a bit I do mean roughly ten years of my life, but I turned out just fine. I mean, I only killed ten people since then. The normal sociopath would have been at 20 by now, so I am way below average. 


This film also is what got me into horror films, so I guess I should thank them for that. Actually, no. NO. Fuck you Tata and Titi. You were the reason I couldn't watch One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest without thinking that Billy Bibbit was Charles Lee Ray. You were truly Two Awful Babysitters.
BOOM, NAME DROP. EXPLANATIONS EVERYWHERE. YEAH.